Say it on video: 30 seconds that says "you matter"….Our words, your connection, their hope
Why a short video adds even more
- They see your face and hear your voice. You have known each other for years, giving you great influence. Warmth, kindness and concern come through in a way that's hard to get across in writing.
- They trust you, and can more easily believe you when you say things will improve and you want to help
- It feels like a visit, without the pressure of a visit.
- They can watch it again on a hard day, when they need reminding that someone cares.
- It takes about 30 seconds. Your phone is all you need.
A message says "I'm thinking of you". A video shows it.
Tips for your video message
- Keep it short. About 30 seconds is plenty.
- Be yourself. Use your own words. Our sample scripts are just a starting point.
- Your phone is fine. No editing, music or special effects needed.
- It doesn't have to be perfect. A stumble or a laugh makes it more real, not less.
- Find a quiet spot with some light on your face.
- Just let them know you care, and that there is hope.
- Say they're not a burden. People who are struggling often feel like one.
- Look at our suggested messages and maybe use Help Choose for ideas.
- Offer something simple, like a walk, a cup of coffee, a meal or a phone call.
- Don't expect a reply. Say so in the video. It takes the pressure off.
- Follow up. Send another message or video in a day or two
Say it on Video: ten sample scripts
These are examples only. Each one takes about 30 seconds to say at a relaxed pace. Change the names and details, use your own words, or mix and match lines. Nobody needs to read them perfectly. Being real matters more than being polished.
Phrases in bold are taken from messages already on WhatDoISay.org.
Overview
| Script | Sender | Words (about 30 seconds) |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | From a parent | 77 |
| 2 | From a brother or sister | 83 |
| 3 | From a partner | 74 |
| 4 | From a friend | 77 |
| 5 | From a workmate | 76 |
| 6 | From a manager | 84 |
| 7 | From an adult son or daughter | 81 |
| 8 | From a grandparent | 83 |
| 9 | From a housemate | 76 |
| 10 | From an old school friend | 84 |
1. From a parent (Mum or Dad)
Hi love, it's Mum. I'm not sending this to ask a hundred questions. You don't have to explain anything. I can see things have been really hard lately, and I know that kind of pain can be exhausting. That's what family is for. We look after each other. You're not a burden. Being here for you is a privilege. Life keeps changing, and this rough patch won't last forever. I love you. Call me whenever you like.
About 77 words, roughly 30 seconds.
2. From a brother or sister (includes the 'positions reversed' question)
Hey, it's me. Quick one, and no need to reply. I've been thinking about you. I know things are pretty heavy right now, and I'm not going to pry. But can I ask you something? If our positions were reversed, and I had your problems, what would you advise me to do? I reckon you'd tell me to go easy on myself and let people help. So I'm saying it back to you. You're not on your own. Things can and do change.
About 83 words, roughly 30 seconds.
3. From a partner
Hey you. I wanted you to see my face and hear me say this. I know how much you're hurting, and I won't push you to talk before you're ready. I'm not going anywhere. You're not a burden. You're my person. This is a hard chapter, not the whole story. Life changes, and we'll get through this one together. If it ever feels too heavy, tell me, and we'll find some extra help together.
About 74 words, roughly 30 seconds.
4. From a friend
G'day mate. Just thinking of you. No need to reply. This is just so you know I'm in your corner. I won't ask a heap of questions. I know things are rough, and that kind of stress can really wear you down. That's what mates do, isn't it? We look out for each other. You've helped me plenty. Right now you're just not in a great place, but that won't last forever. Coffee this week? My shout.
About 77 words, roughly 30 seconds.
5. From a workmate
Hi, it's Sam from work. Hope it's okay to send this. I'm not after details. I've just noticed you haven't seemed yourself, and I wanted you to know people here care about you. Work can wait. You can't. That's what work buddies do. We cover for each other. Everyone hits a rough patch at some point, and things do shift and get better. If you ever want a walk at lunch or a chat, I'm around.
About 76 words, roughly 30 seconds.
6. From a manager
Hi, it's Priya. I wanted to send this personally rather than an email. Please don't worry about work. Your health, all of it, matters more than any deadline. You don't need to tell me what's going on. I can see you're carrying a lot, and that can be really painful. You're a valued part of this team, and we look after each other. This is a tough stretch, not forever. If it helps, I can tell you about our Employee Assistance Program, no pressure.
About 84 words, roughly 30 seconds.
7. From an adult son or daughter
Hi Dad, it's me. I know you're not one for big talks, so I'm not going to make you have one. I just want you to know I've noticed things have been hard, and I'm worried about you. You spent years looking after us. Now it's our turn, and we want to. You're not a burden, not even close. Life has a way of turning around, and this hard bit is only one part of it. Love you. I'll ring Sunday.
About 81 words, roughly 30 seconds.
8. From a grandparent
Hello sweetheart, it's Nana. I'm not very good with these phone videos, so bear with me. I'm not going to ask what's wrong. I just want you to know I love you to bits. I've lived a long time, and I've seen hard times come and go, including my own. They do pass, even when it doesn't feel like they will. You're never a nuisance to anyone. You're precious to all of us. Come and have a cuppa with me whenever you like.
About 83 words, roughly 30 seconds.
9. From a housemate
Hey, it's Jess. Feels a bit funny sending a video when you're just down the hall, but sometimes it's easier this way. I'm not trying to stickybeak. I've just noticed you've been keeping to your room a lot, and I know how painful things can get. Housemates look out for each other. You don't have to talk, but I'm making dinner tonight if you want company. You're not a burden. This rough patch won't last forever.
About 76 words, roughly 30 seconds.
10. From an old school friend
Hi, it's Tom. Yep, from school. It's been a while! You've been on my mind lately, and I wanted to reach out. I'm not asking for the whole story. I just remember how you always stood up for me, and I'd like to do the same for you. That's what old friends are for. Depression is a terrible liar, so don't believe everything it tells you. Life's changed so much since school, and this hard bit will change too. Can we talk this week?
About 84 words, roughly 30 seconds.
Very worried?
If you're worried someone is in immediate danger, see Crisis. A video is not a substitute for urgent help.
If you think someone may be thinking about suicide, it's okay to ask them directly. See Suicide 11 Questions on WhatDoISay.org.
After they recover, get them to make a private video selfie !!
Suggest to the person you were worried about that they record a video telling themselves how much better they are, the good things in their life, and their plans for the future.
This is an innovative insurance policy in case the depression or suicidal ideas return and tell the affected person things will never improve. There is no one better to persuade a hopeless and desperate person that recovery is possible than a recovered version of themselves !!